going forth to serve

While I know that in the craziness of the semester it might have been forgotten a few times, my purpose with this class and this blog was to help me in seeking to be: "to dream more, learn more, do more and become more..." -John Quincy Adams. I wrote in my first post:

John Quincy Adams said, "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." Right now though, I don't feel like what I need to be doing is trying to inspire others. I don't need to be seeking to hide or seeking to lead like President Uchtdorf warns against in his general conference talk, but seeking to be the kind of person who my Heavenly Father can use to accomplish His own goals. 

I am looking for inspiration; I am trying to find what will make me "Dream more, learn more, do more and become more." That is what this semester I hope to do, to open my heart and let Heavenly Father in and to be guided by the Spirit to know who needs my help and what role leadership is supposed to play in my life. I hope to become a leader amongst my friends, roommates, ward family, and community through service and sharing Christ's love.  

I have tried my best to do this, to try to become a better individual and a better tool in the hands of the Lord (I've also tried to find quotes from people other than John Quincy Adams :). I sometimes struggle to see how exactly I am going to move forward from these experiences that I'm having at BYU and use them to serve in the world. I was definitely inspired by the Alumni panel because while they all rely heavily on their education itself, they all acknowledged that what they used to go forth and serve was their experiences of working with people and their faith in Jesus Christ. 


I think one of my favorite things about college is how idealistic I get to be. Being practical is important, but being realistic can sometimes leave you feeling disappointed and let down, but here, I really feel like anything is within my reach and that I can truly decide my own future. I may not know exactly what that is now, but I can't wait to continue growing as He would have me grow and serving as He would have me serve. I know that there are so many things I would like to change about myself and probably even more things that I need to change, but my life will be just a series of opportunities to do so and I can't wait for those to come. 


I will continue to "dream more, learn more, do more, and become more," and what I have found to be the best way to do so is to find ways to serve everyday. 

leading change

In almost every situation in which a person openly chooses to follow a leader, it is because that leader promises change; change that will most likely relieve frustration and spur progression. As is obvious especially in political and more public arenas, this is much easier promised than done. That is largely because real and noticeable changes do come from within the individual, but unless the group in question is whole-heartedly unified, great results usually don't follow. To me, that is what is so intimidating about the prospect of the future. Everyone wants to change the world and do something different or better, but it is often not quite enough to act only as an individual. Often, the goal is actually to lead others in change and together make that impact. 


I enjoyed Sister Gray's lecture on leading change because I think it really did provide some helpful solutions to influence others to make positive changes. She reiterated that our goals need to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely). What was even more helpful though was how she explained the required motivation and abilities required to promote personal, social, and environmental/structural changes by recognizing vital behaviors and identifying the crucial moments in which one can create positive deviance.


Lately in my apartment, I have really been struggling to cope with my roommates and certain situations and part of me wants to just leave and stop trying to deal with it since change seems so difficult. What I have realized is that even though I want change, I cannot be the only one to want it and that we all have to have similar abilities in order to succeed. I need to make the undesirable (namely cleaning) desirable really try to surpass the limits which I perceive them to have. I know that its a long shot, and I know it will be difficult, but I also know that this change will benefit everyone and I am willing to try.      

I have never been the sort of person that liked to work with groups. In those situations, I tend to be the one to pick up the slack, I like to work on my own time schedule (which isn't really possible with groups), and there always seems to be so many more distractions and obstacles associated with groups. Unfortunately though, its pretty common in life to have work in a group setting and even as a college student, there's really no way around it. When Brother Holmoe, BYU Athletic Director, came to speak on teamwork, I have to admit that I had a couple chips on my shoulder: first, I was skeptical about people who encouraged group work and second, I don't really like football which I knew he would use as a comparison. I'm glad to say that my attitude did change almost immediately and Brother Homloe's lecture may have even been my favorite of the semester. Although Mt. Everest is a common example of a goal, Brother Homloe's comparison of the weather at the top to the stormy weather in our pursuits really made sense to me and helped me to really reflect on my own perseverance.

I also liked how Brother Homloe categorized people as simply firefighters who are more than willing to throw water on another person's fire or a firelighter who will help to keep another person's fire hot. It was however the idea of a firefighter that made me nervous about Wednesday's lab skits. In my experience, putting a group of "leaders" together to work on a project is a disaster because everyone shows up and know that they are supposed to be leading and usually are willing to put out other people's fire to do so. I was definitely impressed to see that that didn't happen. Yes, they were just skits and nothing was really on the line, but everyone in the group's ideas were used and my group was very laid back in its approach. There was one person in my group that didn't appoint himself as the team leader or anything, but he with every comment that anyone made, he was encouraging and listened and wanted to make sure that no one was ignored. You could definitely tell that he was a person that really focuses on the people he interacts with throughout the day and wants them to feel cared about.

He was what being a leader while also being on a team is all about, and I hope that I can do better with this in my apartment. There is still a lot of tension there, but I've realized that the only was to progress and progress well is if we are united in our purpose and evolve our relationships from one simply based upon our living in the same space to significant ones where we give beyond reason to lift each other up. I know that this isn't going to be easy to accomplish, but it's what I have to do in order for things to work out, so I am going to try my best. 

I 

a leader with integrity

Growing up in the Church, our youth tend to know more about integrity than most teenagers. Its a section in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, a value in Personal Progress and if we only had a dime for every time we heard a story in Sunday School about little boys and girls who steal gum from the store and go an apologize because they felt guilty about not being honest, we could have bought enough gum for each of those kids. The hardest part is realizing that not everyone has those same standards.


When I was in high school, I was involved in Student Council and our Freshman Orientation  program and a few other things, but they were always things that I cared about. At first, it was shocking for me to see that other kids were involved in those things just to put them on their college applications and had no intention of working hard or gaining anything other than a title. As I got older, I became less shocked and more annoyed because I tended to have to pick up the slack for those people. One of those times was the end of my junior year when we were putting on Prom. I was class secretary and another one of the officers was a girl that I had known since I switched schools in the first grade. We were friends, but some things had recently happened and we had had a falling out. When I was at the prom, one of my sponsors pulled me aside and asked if I had sold the girl a prom ticket the day before and I hadn't, but I guess she claimed that I did. Once everything was sorted out, we knew that she had stolen a ticket for her boyfriend and had tried to blame me for not having recorded it. What I hadn't expected was that the school's administration decided to turn the other cheek and give her a second chance so I was going to have to work with her for all of senior year againEspecially after writing this out, I know that it sounds really trivial, but it was a big deal to me and I struggled with the fact that my integrity didn't mean all that much in this situation and neither did her lack of integrity.


In Monday's lecture, I immediately thought of this when the question was posed, "Is it worth it to have integrity?" I spent a lot of time last year wondering the same thing. I always came back to yes because all that matters is what Heavenly Father knows about everything, but I still struggle with just accepting that things are not always fair and don't always seem to have justice at first. Because of my experiences last year, I sometimes think that it might be better to just quit sometimes. Similarly, I have been wondering lately whether or not I should just move out from my apartment because things seem to not be working out so well. I want to keep my integrity, but some of my roommates are so petty that its really hard to tell if it's worth it. I dont really know what the right answer is at the moment, but I know that I need to stay out of the pettiness and keep my integrity no matter what because my Heavenly Father would be really disappointed if I treated my roommates that way when I do know better and when I have been given so many tools to work through this.

servant leadership

Throughout all of high school, I was involved in student council and the school's freshmen orientation programming and National Honors Society and the green week committee and all of these organizations and clubs that had a couple of things in common. First, they were great experiences to put on a college application and they all offered opportunities to serve. While I acknowledge that being able to say I was a part of these organizations helped me as an applicant, it bothered me so much when that was the motivation for people to become involved, so for me, it was the service opportunities that I was in search of. After reading the scriptures, working through my Personal Progress, and living in a family with eight other people, I knew that serving others was not just the purpose of each of us, but my divine purpose and I was eager to finds ways to do so.


When I saw that Brother Cox's lecture on Monday was on being a servant leader, I was so ready to hear it because its something that I am truly passionate. I cannot say that I was passionate about planning the prom or counting votes for homecoming royalty, but fundraising to grant the wishes of children from the Make A Wish Foundation, that I could put my whole heart into. Although I had hear much of what he said before, I was really interested that he mentioned that while the results of serving are usually good, it is possible to selfishly seek to serve. If I am serving someone in the hope of gaining something back from them, then its not serving. I couldn't help but think back to the beginning of the semester when I was so ready to find the organizations at Y-Serve that I wanted to get involved in. I read through all of the pamphlets and even sent emails to a couple of the groups. I didn't receive any replies and the voice in my head saying if they don't reply, to call them began to disappear beneath the papers and midterms. So am I a selfless servant, or do I only do it when its convenient or when I can see some sort of future incentive for it?


I was truly disappointed with myself, but Wednesday's lab class was a chance to get back into the servant mode...by giving out cookies to students coming out from finishing their tests in the testing center. I knew that if I had been one of them, I would have stared at our class, frantically pretended to be on my phone, and walked away as quickly as possible. I thought that we should be doing something more to help people in the community and not just students. I am happy to say that I was proven wrong. Yes, it was a lot of fun for our class to hand out the cookies, but even if it was a little unexpected, people seemed to appreciate it. I realized that while it is really great to serve those that have a less fortunate life than you, the people close around you need to be served as well.


And none seem to be closer than my roommates, remember, the ones that I'm having so many problems with lately.I remember a talk that a girl in my stake gave in the Young Women's meeting on my trek. She said that when we have enemies and we don't know how to resolve the problem, serve them. I remember that because I knew she was right, but that I also struggle with that. I guess that that is the point of being here and being in this class. I need to work on my weaknesses and hopefully strengthen myself and those that I lead, and in this case, my roommates. I really wish that I knew how I was going to serve them so that I could write it in this post, but I'm really not sure right now. What I do know is that I need to be praying for opportunities to serve my roommates and learn to love them so that we can work through our conflict and get past it. 

conflict resolution

If you remember, last week I was blogging about some issues in my apartment and, I'll admit, annoyingly agonizing over this apartment discussion we were going to have on Sunday. So guess what happened...the meeting went unbelievably well, or at least it seemed to. Everyone was civil and agreed that yes we should do the dishes and yes we should have apartment prayers and everyone went on with their Sundays, but that is not what I expected. My eighteen years of living with three sisters had prepared me for what I thought would be some form of a brawl complete with shouting match and bloodshed (even if only a little), but what I got was a polar opposite Stepford-esque "discussion." The crazy part is, I don't think that was a good thing. 

I was proven right when I walked in the kitchen at eleven thirty that night to find the sink piled too high to even fill a glass of water under the faucet. I was stewing over this for all of Monday morning and when I walked into Sterling May's lecture on conflict resolution, I knew that I really needed to listen. I realized that while I may have been afraid of the results of a confrontation, it was necessary and conflict can be a good thing. Our discussion went so well because we didn't say what was really on our minds. We were polite, which isn't a bad thing, but we were not forward enough and almost pretended like there weren't any conflicts and therefore could not move through and past them. Communication is essential if anything is going to change so I know that I need to do it, and be direct, but nice at the same time. I also realized that I'm having trouble categorizing the problem which makes it really difficult to solve. I'm sure that some of it is a process conflict because we obviously don't clean the same way, but it's probably also interpersonal with our differences in personality as well as with our roles as roommates. 

What I'm still not sure about is whether or not this is external, and that is because I haven't taken too much time to find out. I love the example of the missionary companionship interviews that Sterling gave to use as a guide for these discussions, but there is a problem: I'm not loving my roommates like I should. Because of some things that have happened between us have hurt me personally, I know that I have hardened my heart towards them and am therefore in no position to lead anyone to a solution. However, I know that as an answer to my prayers, the Relief Society lesson last week was about having charity for others and not judging them, and I know that it is my fault that I don't have this love and I promise to strive to get it back. When I do, I'm going to have a real discussion with my roommates where we actually talk about the real issues that we're having and take it as an opportunity not just to vent or condemn, but to collaborate and move forward into a better relationship. So once again, wish me luck or send me prayers if you'd like to! 

Over the past few weeks, I've read the book Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath. The Heaths are brothers who brought together their insights from two very different professions to find out what an idea needs in order to spark change in behaviors or beliefs. Each chapter offers several examples of ideas that were successfully transferred through what the authors call the 6 aspects of SUCCESs: Simple, Unexpected, Concrete, Credible, Emotional, Stories. The stories were definitely interesting and really help me, the reader, to remain engaged throughout the book, but I couldn't help but feel like it was all a little sensational. If I were in a business where I needed to advertise a new service or get my employees to learn a new procedure, it would be fairly easy to apply these concepts. But for me, in my leadership role and my life, those are not my goals. It seems a little more useful when I think about it as being rhetoric and understanding the perspective of your target audience, but still there's something a little artificial and even deceitful about this. 


Then I realized that this is probably typical of someone like me (according to the Meyers-Briggs test) would think. I tend to be an idealist and value morals and ethics, but I struggle to "sell" my ideas. I think that I should just be able to be up front and plainly state my ideas and people should listen, that I shouldn't have to "convince" anyone, but that doesn't always work. The greatest insight to me from the book was that when a person learns or finds a solution to a problem, it can be extremely difficult to communicate those ideas to others because we forget what it was like not to know them. The ideas become a part of our frame of reference and we struggle to level with others who don't already understand. I loved this because one of my personal goals is to constantly gain and expand my perspective because I think that is essential for true progression. 


So there is a part of my philosophies on life that seems to suggest that I really want to love and help everyone like I've been commanded to do, but there's something that that is eating away at me as I am typing. I can honestly say that in this present moment, I do not love each of my roommates and that is wrong. We have all of these issues in our apartment of not connecting and not being nice to each other and not cleaning up after ourselves and while they're all petty, I am upset over them and there is a spirit of contention in our apartment. As I am currently wishing that none of my roommates are reading this, I am also overwhelmed with the realization that even though I poked fun at the idea of being a leader in my apartment at the beginning of this semester, my apartment really needs it. This weekend, we will be having an apartment discussion and I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. I want to take some time to really ponder the perspectives that each of us in the apartment are coming with and be prepared to offer my ideas for solutions in ways that everyone will be able to understand and will not feel threatened by them. I am also grateful for Professor Wilson's advice in her public speaking lecture because I may not practice my discussion since that would be pretty difficult, but I am going to have an outline of what I'm going to say and hopefully it will work. So I guess you can wish me luck this weekend...or since its BYU, you can pray for me if you'd like.